i have mostly left it out of this site… but there was more happening behind the scenes i havent disclosed. my mother was abusive… mentally and physically. by the time i had turned 13… we had a record a mile long with CPS (which failed us literally at every turn)…. she had shot me… stabbed me… and beaten me countless hundreds of times. the worst is one i carry to this day. the source of that hate and animosity was the fact that she knew who and what i was. if i had given her the opportunity… she would have killed me.
i had done something stupid… we were playing at a friends house and he always hopped the fence to leave the backyard, so i followed. my knee got caught on a piece of metal link fence and ripped it open needing a few stitches – but my mom had no money being a divorcee, and refused to take me to the hospital. we bandaged it up and left it alone. within a few days it became obvious something terrible was happening. my knee had swollen to the size of a basketball and it was panic inducing to just look at…. the skin was stretched tight to the point that it would crack open if i tried to move. the wound looked really bad. i was in agony.
she finally caved, and we headed into the er. turned out i had a staph infection – had we waited any longer, it could have been disastrous. i think they wanted to admit me to the hospital, but she refused. so, i was cleaned up and given a ton of medications with very clear instructions – do not put weight on it for 10-14 days… keep it elevated, and stay hydrated. i was then told to follow up with our doctor in 10 days, which i knew my mom wouldn’t do.
so imagine my surprise the very next day when my mother informs me that i have til the end of the day to get the yard mowed. i ignored her and chalked it up to her lashing out at me… upset i forced her to spend money for my healthcare. she was particularly shitty to me that day… and i had done nothing outside of needing medical care for her to be upset about.
i had to fend for myself – and in one of my trips to get something to drink to take my meds, she caught me in the living room. she started SCREAMING… just spitting pure rage. “MOW THE YARD NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!” and just kept repeating herself. my brother and sister instantly went into fear driven flight mode and ran quickly to go hide.
she got up and followed me to the kitchen, and then started pushing me back through the laundry room and into the garage. i was now getting loud. “FUCK YOU LEAVE ME ALONE! I CANT WALK! HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO MOW THE YARD?!” and of course, we were outside now… and everyone heard it. i noticed out of the corner of my eye, all my friends had stopped playing football in the street, and were just standing in the driveway across the street staring at what was taking place.
she reared back and slapped me hard. it made my ears ring for a minute and i almost lost balance on my crutches as one fell. it took a moment for me to hear her screaming again… and now, it wasnt words – she was just screaming loudly as if being murdered by a chainsaw – right in my face. so i met her tone and volume – “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME”
as i tried to situate myself on the one crutch i had and figure out how to pick up the other… i saw her move swiftly away, then right back at me with some speed. i managed to look up just as it happened.
she had taken the shovel off the wall where it hung, had it gripped like a baseball bat, and was in full swing mode. it connected. the sound it made was chilling. i felt it immediately… my knee gave, and i hit the floor screaming in agony and sat looking as i got dizzy and my ears were ringing and my eyes went blurry then black. she had hit me in my infected knee… and it had exploded. the stitches ripped, and the remnants of it were sprayed across the floor and walls of the garage, and my knee was bleeding profusely.
i heard everyone across the street panic as i got dizzy and i guess passed out. i came to in the hospital in a massive panic. the same neighbors dad that had “the talk” with me had brought me to the hospital, and then called my dad who was on the way there.
i got several stitches, but avoided having surgery of any kind. they had to scrub it out to clean the wounds which was insanely painful. when we left the hospital, my dad called my mom and said i was going to stay at his house for a couple of days.
after a few days off my knee, i was feeling a lot better. the meds had worked their magic, and besides the couple of stitches, it was looking a lot better.
the second day i was there, my dad sat down with me and begged me to try and work with my mom. i tried to plead my case that she was insane.. and once again explained what had happened in detail… but he just brushed it off. nobody ever listened to us… and when they did – we were discounted as ‘kids in trouble that were just lying to get out of being in trouble’. “she almost killed me”… was met with “don’t be so dramatic. you have to find a way to work with your mom here” and “this is partly your fault as well”. it was infuriating. i was being gaslit by my own parents. i had a woman who was actively attempting to kill me… and i couldnt get anyone to take me seriously.
i gave up and decided to at least try what he was saying. maybe he knew something i didnt. when i arrived back home a few days later, my mother was at the door, and informed me that my brother and sister were at my grandmoms so we could talk. i thought… “ok… maybe she wants to apologize. maybe this is going to get better”.
the “talk” was nothing more than her giving me hell about the injury in the first place, and then not listening to her when she asked me to do something. i kept attempting to explain that i could not walk, and the doctor told me not to… but she didnt care.
i started thinking to myself…. im old enough – i dont have to take this anymore. i need to fight back. and from that point forward…. i did. i met violence with violence.